When 'IT' happened I felt frozen because things like that didn't happen in real life.  A woman can't suddenly break - too many people lean on her - too many people need her at her best.  Too many people take her for granted.  It was a testament to the fragility of our bodies, the randomness of nature and the cruelty of surprise.  A blood clot.  A spine.  Put those together and you've cooked a terrifying soup that's beyond explanation.  

When I sat across from her in the hospital I didn't know what to do except try to make her laugh but all that did was hurt her.  We are too young.  Too young to be caught in a battle that steals a body from itself.

"I will walk again," she told me.

And I know she will because I've never seen her give up on anything.

It's strange, the line between coworker and friendship, and I feel so blessed to have both through her and so empty each day I walk passed her office and there's no smiling face welcoming me to work.  

If I'm being perfectly honest, I think I love my job because of the people I work with - and when one piece is missing the whole machine just feels lopsided and sad.  

They say you don't know what you've got until it's gone - but what if you did know? I think that makes it harder.

And I'm being selfish.

Marie, you are a rock star. You are one of the strongest and bravest women I've ever known. You have helped me through bad days, talked me up from a funk, been my personal advocate, pushed me to do better, shared life with me.  I miss you every day and don't doubt for a minute that you will return stronger with a fire in your heart that will leave us all in a cloud of go-get-'er spunk.

One foot in front of the other, my friend.  One day at a time.  Soon this will be a story you can look back on as just a dark little blip on the map of your brighter-than-the-sun life.

[NaBloPoMo Day 30]