My first instinct when I heard the daily blog challenge was NO WAY! I didn't want to annoy people. I mean, do people even care that much what I have to say?...and do I even have something worth saying for THIRTY WHOLE DAYS? When I posted the query on facebook at the end of October, the unanimous voice was DO IT (and by unanimous I mean 6 people) and, as I really only need small assurances, that was enough for me to sign up.
AKK!
It's flippin' hard! And it's brilliantly rewarding to find myself pushing 'publish' EVERY SINGLE DAY. And it's horribly depressing to watch my traffic stats. Because what I was afraid of happening is exactly what's happening.
Less readers.
Because I am being annoying.
And that annoys me.
I'm pouring it out here! What good's a pouring out if there's no one to drink?
I follow a blog that could, in my opinion, be defined as follows: brilliant, rude, hilarious, inspiring, crazy, honest. He posts something every day - sometimes more than that (C.R.A.Z.Y.) I enjoy every single thing of his I read (and if you check it out, be prepared for R-rated language and witty awesomeness). The problem is that no matter how much I like what he writes, no matter how much of his content is exactly what I'm looking for - I very often find myself frustrated when my email 'dings' with one of his new posts because I still haven't caught up on the last three days...and then I fall so far behind that I just have to ignore those and move forward...
See what I'm saying?
No, you don't - because you stopped reading on day 3.
And that hurts my feelings.
Of course, there are the faithful few (remember those six I mentioned?) I think they're still with me but as for the rest...disappearing into the ether of too-much-stuff-to-do-in-too-little-time.
And the site that invited me to NaBloPoMo? The one that promised me more traffic and a sense of community and 'we're in this together, let's all support each other'...guess how many people read my post on Monday from their site? 9.
NINE! Holy let down, Batman! (I actually had tears in my eyes while I wrote the last line of that post. I wasn't stupid enough to think my little story would change the world but I at least wanted to move someone.)
Nine!
I've tried to convince myself that I write here just for me - that it doesn't matter if anyone else sees it because this is my therapy, this is my heart, and I'm really only a whole person when I'm writing...
Well, that's a load of crap!
I'm obsessive over my statistics and somehow base my worth (as a writer) on that. And this month's statistics? This month where I'm working harder than I've ever worked before, against a daily deadline that has me speaking topic ideas into my phone on the drive home from work...this month I'm watching a steady decline in my site traffic.
I am proud of the work I do here. I strive to create great content that will matter to people, while being honest about who I am, my values, my life and I am happy to put my name on the bottom of each post.
But what I really want is for people to engage. For people to comment. For people to agree, disagree, encourage, start conversations, tell me - just maybe - that I inspire them...for goodness sake, tell me I'm an idiot just so I know I'm causing any kind of ripple in this big wide sink-hole of an internet world.Pride. That's all it is. I suppose a fall is coming...?
This is not me threatening to quit. This is not me begging you to pick me up and dust me off and tell me I'm amazing. This is me venting. This is me trying to be totally bare-naked-honest. This is me having nothing else to write about on day 13.
To my loyals: I ADORE YOU & COUNT ON YOU & LOVE YOU LIKE A LOVE SONG. To the one's I've annoyed: don't give up on me - I won't give up on you.
[NaBloPoMo Day 13]
You're not annoying at all! If I don't see your post early enough, I go to your blog to make sure I haven't missed it, and then I resist temptation to text you to tell you to post something, because I want to read it.
ReplyDeleteListen, I know I was kind of shamelessly plugging for comments but this just makes my night! Thanks for believing in me!
DeleteI am happy you chose to accept this challenge because I always enjoy what you have to say. You might have to continue posting every day from now on so your faithful followers can continue to be inspired.
ReplyDeleteThanks for encouraging! I think we all go through this as bloggers somehow, don't we? It's a day later and I already feel better - just a moment of insecure weakness ;)
DeleteI'll never get sick of your writing. :)
ReplyDeleteI read you faithfully, Alanna. I love your style, your wit. Recently I haven't posted a comment because Dang It! someone else has posted EXACTLY what I would have said - and I didn't want to be redundant. Blogging is hard. Not getting feedback is harder still. Keep it up, girl!
ReplyDeleteI feel like I really need to apologize to those of you who do read - I haven't been very gracious. Cassie, I totally appreciate you and the time you take so often to comment thoughtfully.
DeleteAs long as you have at least 1 reader, you're good. Don't give up!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Caleb!
DeleteThe first blog I read was the Bravest Soldier ... And it had me looking for the next one that was about making tea biscuits .. And so now I'm hooked ...What is unique and so enjoyable is your way of looking at life ... Adding thoughts and humour with a hidden challenge ... We / I take for granted the gift others share so we/I can begin to "think" or remember....
ReplyDeleteLinda, that's so nice to hear! Glad you're finding stuff you enjoy. It's encouraging to hear someone say they're 'hooked'. It puts the pressure on for me to keep trying!
DeleteDon't stop...your stuff is amazing and inspiring. Truthful and real. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI'm a little embarrassed at my outburst - but thank you, Levina! I know how genuine you are and I appreciate your encouragement!
DeleteYou know the problem with everyday posting? You rant things you would normally just keep to yourself Thanks to all of you for sticking by me and believing in me!
ReplyDeleteI love your blog! I look for it everyday! You are truly inspiring and you do what I can't. Don't give up you are AMAZING!
ReplyDeleteThat's so nice to hear! Thank you, Julie :)
DeleteI look forward to reading your blog everyday, your the only one I'm loyal to.
ReplyDeleteTracy - you're a sweetheart! I know there are so many great options out there. I'm honored that you're sticking by me!
DeleteI "dido" Tracy. If I miss a day or two I make sure I catch up on the ones I missed.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Salina! It's good to be reminded that people care. Obviously I was needing a little of that ;)
DeleteMy stats have fallen this week because I think that for 16 days I have been writing about planting bulbs, and more bulbs, and still more. I'd been blogging daily all spring and summer but with prettier photos of summer flowers. My blog is probably of interest two only two kinds of readers anyway, gardeners and those who are interested in life on the Long Beach Peninsula. It is still disheartening to see the stats fall from a great big 100 to 50. I hope it helps to hear that I'm going to go back and read that post of yours that only had nine readers.
ReplyDeleteOh, it's so refreshing to hear from a voice experiencing the very same thing! It doesn't even make sense, does it? Everything I research say that by creating content you create traffic and that's just not true. I've certainly settled down since I wrote this little whiny rant but it doesn't mean I'm not frustrated - blogging is hard work no matter what anybody says and engaging an audience is really the only external reward I get (unless you count the 75¢ I made from ads last month!) I appreciate you taking the time to comment and share with me in my griping - it's good to know I'm not alone :)
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