When my parenting post received international recognition I was thrilled. Trying to break into a writing world that's already so noisy is not easy and any little crack that lets you whisper through is a huge victory as far as I'm concerned.
But recognition means more people.
And not all of them are nice.
Instead, I began to receive nasty comments here in my happy blog space.
Comments like:
Ah, shut your sanctimonious blowhole. You spent 2 minutes in line with this family and you spent how many HOURS writing an 'open letter' to him that he will never, ever see? Don't you have something better to do with half your day? Couldn't that time have been better well spent helicopter parenting your children? This is the stupidest, most condescending blog post I've seen in awhile. You apparently just need internet strangers to validate your judgement of others. I feel sorry for you.
{I feel dirty posting that here but I want to give an honest look at what's been coming at me.}
Those kept coming all day.
And I thought I was okay.
Until I realized that every time my phone beeped it's little 'you've got mail' beep I was feeling an anxious wave of nervous energy shudder through my body.
It's ridiculous to be afraid to read your own mail. Words are only words. They are letters. They are alphabet soup.
I choked on the C the R the U the E and the L.
We all view the world through different coloured lenses and that diversity is what makes the world so unique and exciting. The problem is that I exist happily in this little space carved out for me, surrounding myself with people of similar values and morality and too often I forget that there are people beyond my borders who just don't care about me, my happiness or my opinions.
I am naive.
I believe in the general goodness of humanity.
And humanity repays me by making me the target of some hateful judgements.
This is a small demographic I'm referring to. The people I surround myself with did exactly that - they surrounded me and supported me and lifted me back up and dusted off the grime of ugliness with their generous kindness.
I am blessed.
But, if I'm to be completely honest, I'm also mad as hell.
This blog is my space. I am proud of it. I have poured my heart into it and I work hard to do it with integrity. It shouldn't be too much to ask that people play nice.
To have to enable comment moderation because I can no longer trust people to be respectful is infuriating.
To have to put a 'be kind' warning with the comment prompting is infuriating.
To find myself writing this post is infuriating. {I'd much rather be telling you about Liam and how instead of asking for more coleslaw he asked for 'cold slop'!}
Maybe I'm being a coward by deleting the hurtful things but there's really no reason to condone or perpetuate such behaviour by allowing it a platform. Ultimately, this space is mine and I will decorate it accordingly with thoughtful discussion and the golden rule.
Maybe I'm being a coward by deleting the hurtful things but there's really no reason to condone or perpetuate such behaviour by allowing it a platform. Ultimately, this space is mine and I will decorate it accordingly with thoughtful discussion and the golden rule.
The most important thing this has taught me is that I'm a lot stronger than I thought. That compliments might affirm me but insults will not define me. That I will rise above the ugly and continue on in my search for everyday joy. That I will not take kindness for granted. That as I count my blessings I will quickly see how deeply I can bury the curses.
Did it hurt? Sure.
Am I broken? No way.
Will I let it stop me? Not a chance!